We are not meant to be alone.
We are not meant to deal with our problems or find answers to the most fundamental questions on our own.
We are not meant to mark milestones in a company of a couch and a TV, or even a dog.
We are meant to be part of a group, a community, people who we fit in with. We are meant to learn from each other, to teach and have teachers, to support and be supported on this beautifully twisted journey called life.
Not being wrong at the core, as a human, but just being with the wrong tribe.
Fitting in is one of the reasons people give up on trying to be part of a group. Fitting in could be hard and emotionally draining. If it’s a wrong group. I know exactly how it feels. For years I thought something was wrong with me. I started thinking I was not good enough because there was a repeated rejection from a group I found myself to be around. And I wasn’t in high school. I was considered to be a grown up, in my late 20’s, working a full time job, living in Manhattan, being completely independent and supporting myself. And I felt not good enough. There were tears, there was discomfort when attending events or parties, it just was a wrong set up for me. And I didn’t know that I, as a human, wasn’t wrong. I thought it was all my fault. Again crazy twisted thing called life makes us come up with thoughts like these. I had nobody to teach me otherwise and show the way, which is why I ended up helping others to discover a different perception, an alternative and a chance to turn it all around.
That’s where most of the people don’t have a chance to reach this realization of not being wrong. Not being wrong at the core, as a human, but just being with the wrong tribe. It took me years of self-work to arrive at this eye-opening moment. When I did, I got closer to the state of peace I’m in 95% of the time.
We can be born to any environment and fit in perfectly there.
Nothing is wrong with any of us. We are unique. Each of us. We are not meant to be one of the factory pieces that matches the one made before us and the one made after. We are even born with a brain that is not fully developed by design. Our brain comes as a half baked bread roll ready to be shaped by the environment and experiences we are exposed to. We can be born to any environment and fit in perfectly there. Pause here and give this previous sentence a thought. That’s one powerful perception-altering understanding.
So back to fitting in. It’s not that we have to fit in, we need to find the group we fit in naturally. At any age. And believe me, there are people of such varied beliefs and interests that there is a group for everyone.
So where shall one start in the search of their people? Start with yourself. Look within. All the answers are there. I know this sounds pretty cryptic to many people, but it also makes perfect sense to others. And that’s how I personally know which one of these groups I belong to. There is no need to force anything, there is no need to make too much effort. It feels organic, it’s like your best relationship when you don’t have to explain yourself. Obviously when I say there is no need to make an effort I don’t mean just stay on the couch and wait for a party of eight knock on your door with snacks, movies and hugs. The effort is in constant questioning and looking for response. The effort is in paying attention to other people. Relationships are a lot of work. The party on the other side of the relationship requires the same, if not higher, level of attention we are looking for on this side. The effort is in constant fine-tuning of our own personality, not in order to fit in, but in order to become a better human. This effort is what changes our habits and creates the reality that attracts the people vibing on the same wavelength. The people we want to be around. After all, don’t we all want to be with people who are interesting to us, who make us feel good and who feel good themselves?
Well, then be that person, look for that tribe, observe and get closer to finding your own peace.
*This article was originally published on www.Medium.com