How does self-destroying look like

May 4, 2019


I have recently had a chance to witness self-destruction. First time ever. While I’m still in the process of understanding the reason for attracting this experience into my life I know that it’s not a coincidence.


I have worked and spoken with many people by now about their fears, about their pains and their emotions, about anxieties they suffer from because of not being able to get their emotions and thoughts under control. I have provided tools for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and made it simple to follow. As a person who has never suffered from a mental illness I have always served as an example of a medicine-free life. I have never experienced what they have been going through. Until now.

We look at the tiny pill and think it will make us feel better.

We don’t question the ways it works.


Staying at the house of a friend, let’s call him Jack, who has recently overcome some serious emotional pain and who still has anxiety, was an eye opening experience for me. Just like with anyone else, from a first glance, you would never think Jack is dealing with so much inner darkness. Just like with many, the darkness starts when there is no one else around. During the day Jack is a successful business owner who has lived all over the world and has established a network of people that allows him to literally being able to accomplish anything. At night though Jack is struggling. That’s when the biggest job of his life starts — figuring out what to do with his emotions. Being someone who works with energy and senses people’s inner state, I felt all the heaviness and pain as the night was getting darker. The music that was being played, the amount of noise that was created to match the internal condition of confusion, disturbance and disappointment, smoking cigarettes mixed with weed, drinking and the most important — the inability to close the eyes and relax enough to sleep. For a person without such emotional troubles all the above can cause major headaches and imbalance. For a person who lives in imbalance, it is an indicator of their inner world, the world paralyzed by fear of experiencing their own emotions.


I couldn’t just be an innocent bystander and watch the destruction do its job uninterrupted. So I tried. We dived into the depth of fears and emotions. My soul spoke to his soul. I reminded it that learning to recognize our emotions could be a long process and that fears are the product of our mind. I saw the struggle between the soul’s hearing my words and the mind holding on to the memories of suffering, overwhelmed by emotions. Then there were tears. Tears of pain coming out of the body, tears of lost joy, tears of longing for peace, of asking for help. I was there to hold space. And it was beautiful to watch the destruction of old beliefs freeing up the path for the new reality.

…the darkness starts when there is no one else around

Then the mind took over and turned a weak connection I have made with the soul into a tall thick wall. A wall to be used. as a protection mechanism. Then it tried to scare me by turning on anger and coming up with the reasons for not believing me. I was told that I don’t understand the severity of the pain or that even therapist couldn’t help. This voice was trying to make me smaller. It didn’t scare me. It made me even more compassionate. The spark in the eyes that I saw when the soul was hearing me speak told me that the vibration of my words has resonated with it. The melting process has begun.


The next two weeks I spent observing the process of a seed planted in the ground making its way through the dirt. It was fighting, pushing the dirt away, building the power within to break through layers of the earth to meet the sunlight. In this little seed there was a universal knowing of the light, of the sun and of the brightness. It just knew there was light, because that’s how nature has created it. It knew it needed the sun for growth and nourishment and it was fighting it’s way there.


It was a beautiful process to watch. It became less scary for the mind once the soul remembered the words it heard me say. These weren’t just words either. It was energy exchange. The vibration of the receiver was being raised and vibration of the giver lowered with each word that was being said, with each sound being made.

It became less scary for the mind once the soul remembered the words it heard me say.

We are constantly in this balancing process of exchanging energy and we constantly need to be aware of the level of our energy in order to replenish it. We have this energy within us, most of us are not aware of it and most resort to an “easy” and only known solutions such as medical drugs. We look at the tiny pill and think it will make us feel better. We don’t question the ways it works. We don’t want to know that while it’s making a person feel better in a short term, in a long term it’s altering the way our brain functions. It shuts down production of some neurochemicals, it creates new neural pathways while making healthy and much needed pathways smaller and non-functional so much so that we end up needing to increase our dose and get completely addicted to this medicine. Nobody thinks what happens to a person who starts taking these drugs in their early/late 20’s. Nobody thinks about the amount of medicine they will have to take by the time their are 60. Nobody thinks about what happens to their brain. All while being fearful of discovering their emotions buried under a deep layer of a cloud of fear imagined by our own mind.


The synchronicity that put us on each other’s paths had its own reasons for this encounter. The journey will reveal its reasons sooner or later and for now I’m raising my vibrations back up to continue waking up souls that are searching for the sunlight.



P.S. As I was finishing up this essay a friend of mine reached out to say that one of his closest friends took his own life. Because of a fight with a girlfriend. Because he used to struggle with depression and possibly never got it under control. I only wish I could’ve met this person and talked to him. I only wish I could use energy and vibration, the powers we have within, and talk to as many people as come my way to be able to help them discover the other side of the coin. Because there is always always another side.


*This article was originally published on

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